The Family Relationships pt 2 - Parents (Eph. 6:4)   Paul gives specific instructions to the fathers here to not do something and to do something.  We need to take some time and unpack this text to get a proper application for us as parents.  The reason Paul is address the fathers is because God expects them to be the leaders of the home, they are the head of the wife as we mentioned earlier.   

1. Do not provoke your children
2. Bring them up in the disciple and instruction of the Lord

 

1. Do not provoke your children

  KJV Bible Commentary states that parorgizo means  the following: do not irritate, exasperate, rub the wrong way, incite. This is done by a wrong spirit and by wrong methods, i.e., severity, unreasonableness, sternness, harshness, cruel demands, needless restrictions, and selfish insistence upon authority. Such provocation would produce adverse reactions, deaden his affection, check his desire for holiness, and make him feel that he can’t possibly please his parents. A wise parent seeks to make obedience desirable and attainable by love and gentleness. Parents must not be godless tyrants.   There is a parallel text in Colossians 3:21 that almost says the same thing but the attitude displayed by the child is different-lest they be discouraged.    Important to consider ways that you can provoke your children to anger or discouragement.  Here are some of them:

1. Favoring one over the other- (Gen. 25:21-28)

What we see here is Jacob specifically preferred Esau because he was a mans man and hunted (was more an outdoors kind of guy).  Jacob on the other hand was more an ordered man (mild, plain) wasn’t exactly the hunting type but had things he did well around the house.  Interesting to note Isaac preferred Esau and Rebekah preferred Jacob.  Both parents like one over the other and as time goes on you see this played out in the final days of Isaacs life when he wanted to bestow the blessing of birthright on Esau. Why is this harmful?  

1. One child could be more skilled a particular area than the other shouldn’t bring us more favor to that one in particular
2. One may have a more outgoing personality that also shouldn’t make us more favorable to them either.
3. This leads to anger and discouragement because it breaks down the picture of God who loves people that truly never have anything in them that deserves His favor. Jacob had nothing to offer God but God chose Him to be in the line of Christ because of divine mercy not anything that was better about Jacob than Esau.

2. Being an overprotective or passive parent

God wants us to pass the Word down to our children but He does not need us to add unnecessary burdens on our children.  Make sure the punishment fits the crime if you will.  Do not be unreasonable when your children mess up or don’t fit your standards.  Also don’t think that they will figure it out on their own that’s now what God put you in their life for.

3. Withholding love as punishment

Based on behavior should not be when you love them.  Lord loves those He disciplines do not withhold the love you have for them when they disobey.

4. Avoid double standards

Don’t act one way and expect your children to act another.  Don’t be the one that gets easily flustered with what others say about you and tell your children to suck it up. Dont use language you wouldnt want your children to use. Be a good example.

5. Be careful with your words
6. Make sure to let them grow at the proper pace (MacArthur)

Chiding them for always acting childish, even when what they do is perfectly normal and harmless, does not contribute to their maturity but rather helps confirm them in their childishness. Its going to be quite painful at times for you and me.      Notice what one father said as way of confession: My family’s all grown and the kids are all gone. But if I had to do it all over again, this is what I would do. I would love my wife more in front of my children. I would laugh with my children more—at our mistakes and our joys. I would listen more, even to the littlest child. I would be more honest about my own weaknesses, never pretending perfection. I would pray differently for my family; instead of focusing on them, I’d focus on me. I would do more things together with my children. I would encourage them more and bestow more praise. I would pay more attention to little things, like deeds and words of thoughtfulness. And then, finally, if I had to do it all over again, I would share God more intimately with my family; every ordinary thing that happened in every ordinary day I would use to direct them to God.